The true test of significant relationships lies not in the big issues, does not depend on the grand and pompous ideologies or fundamental beliefs, but in dealing with the little things… This is as true for business relationships as it is for the devoted conjugal couple as it is for two lovers in the park on a Sunday afternoon.
All the above have already decided all the big issues, such as religious persuasion, political perspectives, personal economic policies and whether or not there is life on Mars (or if Mars even exist), or they would not be in the relationship together. These important ‘deal breakers’ had already been ironed out in the courtship phase of the relationship, touched upon tenderly over through the haze of candlelight and red wine, or through otherwise boring business lunches and senseless rounds of golf, as prospective parties to the proposed relationships “felt” each other out. Essential topics out-of-the-way, and chemical attraction starting to become a force of its own, the parties draw ever closer and finally a match is made. Oh what joy if that were where the story ended…
It’s however never too long into a merger and acquisition deal that the employees of merging offices begin looking at each other down their noses and a distrustful air starts to lingers in the cafeteria. Seemingly too soon after the new logistics company was hired to handle the delivery of our products from Taipei to Timbuktu, we start to question their invoice and disagree with their methodology.
In love, as the glare of soulful infatuation fades enough to not have to where shades late into the evening, we start to notice the little things! “Honey, I’ve being meaning to mention the toilet seat”, “Yes, but you always leave your socks on the floor”, “OK, so I snore a little! You’ve known that from day one, and what’s more you found it funny back then…”!
And so it begins. Small little misdemeanant inconsequentialities that gradually collect and collide and contribute to an ever-escalating mine-heap of nuances and quite sighs and insinuations, quick retorts and petty accusation. Add a decent dose of real life with dumb-ass inventions such as interest rates and inflation, rent and the uncontrollable gas bill, and the joy of a couple of kids who don’t think sleep is important, and suddenly: “You know what, I really don’t think that’s funny anymore” and “actually I would prefer to do it this way!”. We become prescriptive, obtuse, stubborn and inflexible.
And there you have it. Say goodbye to tranquillity in the simplicity of the sharing, the pleasure of quiet company, or in business, the common respect born of necessity and profitability in dealing with each other. You have caught a severe case of ‘Littlethingalitis’.
But you are in luck because although there ain’t a vaccine, there is a cure, and the treatment begins with recognition. Really it’s as simple as that. If both parties can just be objective and shut-up for long enough to identify that they are being undone by the minuscule, being blinded by the detail of running a relationship, then the cascade can be averted and the proverbial sail off into the sunset can again resumed.
The law, in its collected wisdom relies to this day on the dictum ‘de minimus non curat lex’, which roughly translates into ‘the law does not concern itself with things of little import. And so too, it should be with us in our daily dealing with each other.
We know that the big issues are on par, at least enough for necessary compromises to be in place. We know we like and sometimes even love each other, and so, you know what, with a little effort we could let that last little comment slide, take the next unnecessary remark square on the chin, and maybe even do all the laundry, clean the kitchen and take out the garbage… literally without mentioning it.
I see it, I really do! Now if I could just convince my wife!
Francesco Menconi
11/11/14
Post Mortem 